मुझे सुनना चाहोगे ?

मुझे सुनना चाहोगे ?

ख्वाइश...... अद्भुत है तुम्हारी

सोच लो .....
मैं एक ऐसी कहानी हूँ...
जो अक्षर से शुरू होकर
शब्दों में घुलती हुई
वाक्यों में समां जाती है
फिर अनुछेद दर अनुछेद
बहती चली जाती है
उलझन ये नहीं ......
उलझन ये है ..कि
हर अल्पविराम
और
पूर्णविराम से
मेरी इक नयी कहानी शुरू हो जाती है
और ये सिलसिला सतत है .....
इक कहानी में
सैंकड़ों कहानियाँ कह देने का हुनर हूँ मैं ....

बोलो.... सुन सकोगे मुझे ?
हर अल्पविराम के बाद
हर पूर्णविराम के बाद
नए सिरे से
हर बार
बार बार
सिर्फ मुझे

Rapes and wrath

What more can I say about the unconscionable event that took place on the night of December 16 in Delhi that has not already been said or written about over the last fortnight? Every conceivable aspect of the brutal rape and the reactions to it have been reported, dissected and analysed. We have all seen stirring images of the outrage on the part of young Indians from Delhi and many other cities in the country.

We have all been angered by the rank insensitivity of the powers-that-be and their anaemic responses. And most of all, we have all been deeply saddened when the undeserving victim’s body, viciously savaged by six barbarians, could fight no more. We have heard, read, felt all of these and more, but still, like most other horrified Indians, I feel the need to say something — if for no other reason than to honour the memory of the 23-year-old student whose name has remained protected, and who will doubtless become a posthumous icon for the war on violence against women.

I know that at such a time, the most immediate thing to do is to demand the lynching of the perpetrators — the gang of six. Which is why we have had debates about the most befitting punishment for the crime. Some of us believe that nothing short of the death penalty would be acceptable. Many of us want castration in the belief that this will not only be just punishment but will also deter other potential offenders from even contemplating such an act. Some want the rape laws to be tightened and legal processes to be fast-tracked. And some of us quibble about the definition of rape.

Whether accompanied by violence or not, rape is, more than anything else, the complete violation of a woman’s self-respect and dignity. Her sense of humiliation and utter powerlessness at the time leaves mental scars that are far more difficult to heal than the scars on her body. Which probably explains why many social scientists consider rape to be driven by the need for dominance and control of men over women. However, evolutionary biologists are more inclined to believe that rape is more about sex than dominance and control. The underlying theory here is that the male of the species is more likely to be sexually profligate and is more likely to forcibly satiate himself sexually when he believes he can get away with it.

This simmering sex vs control debate was powerfully renewed in 2000 after the publication of The Natural History of Rape: The Biological Bases of Sexual Coercion by Randy Thornhill and Craig Palmer. This book still remains controversial because its biologist and anthropologist authors pooh-poohed what has come to be known as the “feminist perspective” that views rape as a patriarchal tool to dominate women. The issue is clearly a complex one, but I believe the two perspectives are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Obviously sex does play a role, particularly in a sexually repressed society like India where even at a protest march against rape, men reportedly sexually grope women in the crowd. But given the brutal manner in which the poor young girl was assaulted for no real reason other than that the perpetrators could do so, it’s obvious that other factors are equally if not more important.

If men didn’t feel protected by the institution of patriarchy, they wouldn’t feel as free to engage in sexual coercion as they do. Nor would they see their sexual gratification as an entitlement from their wives or from women belonging to the more oppressed castes. From eve-teasing (which has almost become a man’s rite of passage) to sexual assault is not much more than a small step. There is something terribly wrong with the way in which we, as a nation, experience and understand masculinity.

While I have no quarrel with making the punishment for rape more stringent (I personally favour 10 years to life imprisonment), I don’t believe that changing the law is by itself going to ensure justice for victims of rape, for the implementation of even the best of laws by a system where power equations are lopsided is unlikely to ensure equity.

Even after this tragedy, we still hear the voices of those who are considered leaders and opinion makers exhorting women to “de-sex” themselves so as not to arouse men’s lust, thereby victimising the victims even further. And although I don’t believe that all women are necessarily more empathetic of other women than men could be, I still believe that an independent all-woman criminal justice system for acts of violence against women would stand a better chance of enabling equitable justice than one dominated, certainly at its lower levels, by patriarchal insensitivity.

It’s always easy to place the onus for the remedy entirely at the doorstep of legislators. But each of us also needs to do our bit, for patriarchy happens inside our heads.

It is an attitude deeply entrenched in our minds by systems that are constant reminders that men are more equal than women, where men are the protectors and women the protectorate, where brides are “given away” (kanyadaan) but grooms are not, where chastity is a feminine virtue but a masculine weakness, where daughters are “dowriable” liabilities and sons “dowriable” assets, and so on.

For all of these to change, each of us needs to ask ourselves how we can ensure that our sons are never allowed to feel superior owing to their gender and our daughters inadequate owing to theirs. Tough question. But one that, at no time more than the present, demands to be asked. And answered....

..... PAYAR SAY PHIR KYU DARTA HAY DIL

KABHI socha HAY ki KYU kisi KO kho DAYNAY ki TIS kisi KO pa LAYNAY ki KHUSHI say Jada asar RAKHTI hay?

 HAR kisi KI zindagi MAY kisi KO pa LAYNAY ki UTKASHTA hoti HAY, jo MANJIL tak NAHI pahuch PANAY k DARD ki SHAKAL may HAMESHA zinda rehayti HAY. chahay kuch BHI HO prem AAP k ANTARMAAN ko NAYE paribhasha DAYTA hay.
                        
                           RADHA aur KRISHN k NAAM ek HI pannay PAR likhay HAY, farak BAS itna HAY ki DONO ek DUSARAY k PICHAY likhay HAY.sath BHI hay, JUDA bhi NAHI aur JUDA bhi. THIK easi HI hay ISHQ ki KAYENATH, jismay AAP jisay KHO daytay HAY vo AAP K JAHANO- dil MAY EASA bas JATA hay KI aap USKAY sath BHI hay aur JUDA bhi. IS adhuri MOHABBAT nay HI haymay GALIB, phirak JASAY aazim SHYAR diye HAY. unkay ALPHAZO may ISHQ k MAYENAY aur NIKHAR kar AATAY hay.
                        
                              HAMESHA kisi Ki ha SAY ya KISI ke PAHALU may ZINDIGI gujaraney SAY hi ISHQ pura NAHI hota. ISHQ honay SAY pahelay KYA is BAAT ki SHRAT rakhi JA sakiti HAY ki AAP jisko CHAHAY vo TAUMAR aap K paas REHAY? AAP ka US shaqs SAY ayesaso KA judao HAY jo UMAR ya FASALO say KABI nahi mitpata.
                             
                              JIVAN k HAR Modh par JAB aap THODI DEER ruk KAR unhay YAAD kerangay TO vah CHEHARA aapka PICHA karta NAJAR aayega. EASA hona AAP ki aanay WALI zindagi PAR ashar DALAY easa bhi JARURI nahi HAY. vo JO pichay  CHOOT gaya USKO aap WAPAS to NAHI la SAKTAY, lakin USKI yaadein SAHEJ kar AANAY wali ZINDAGI may WAHI rang BHAR saktay HAY. ye BAAT sach HAY ki AATIT aacha HO ya BURA, aagay chalkar Dukh hi HOTA hay.
                                AHMAD faraz NAY apnay SEER may KHUBSURATI say KAHA hay :
                    "Us shaks ko bichranay ka salika bhi nahi,
                      jatay huye khud ko mayray paas chor gaya"

                         ZINDAGI is falsafay SAY puri HO jati, LAKIN ishq KABI khud PURA nahi HOTA. dil KO dilo SAY jornay WALA ye EAHASAS dilo MAY nami BHI bhar DAYTA hay. HAR fasana  BAHUT mithay DARD say SURU hota HAY, lakin JARURI nahi KI easay EAHASAS par HI khatam HO.

                         kahaniyan ANCHAHI chubati TIS par KHATAM ho JATI hay. EASAY may LAGATA hay DUNIYA mmay KUCH bhi NAHI bacha. SAB kuch KHATAM ho GAYA lakin YEHI say AAPKI mohabbat AAP ki PREDHNA  ban JATI hay AAP ki SOCHNAY ki SHAKTI badal  JATI hay. YE easa WAQTH hota HAY jab SAB kuch TUTHNAY lagata HAY lakin AAP k ANDAR srijan NAYE angraye LAYTA hay.

                         PAYAR may SAB say MUSHKIL lambha TAB hota HAY jab WAQTH ki SIDIYO par VO kabhi BATHAY mil JAYE. tab PHIR kya KIJIYEGA, muh PEER kar CHL dijiyega  YA mukalat KIJIYEGA? unki DAYHAYLIZ par NA janay KI kasam TO aapnay KHA ye HI hogi, LAKIN RA may HI takara GAY to KYA kijiyega? BHALAY hi WAQTH aur HALAT nay DONO k BICH  kafi FASANA bana DAYTAY hay LAKIN sach TO ye HI  hay KI ek DUSARAY ko AAP dono NAY kabhi BHULAYA hi NAHI. ya YU kahay KI payar MAY kisi KO bhulaya HI nahi JA sakta YE asambhav HAY.

                      ISI hal KO KISI shayar NAY bayan KIYA hay:

                   "muddatein guzari , tayri yaad na aaye hamay,
                    aur ham bhul gay ho tujay , easa bhi nahi"
                       

Gamble of Rahul Ghandi....

During the first general election of 1952, a candidate of the Rama Rajya Parishad who was standing against Pandit Nehru asked him why he did not support a ban on cow slaughter. “Don’t you love cows?” he asked. Nehru replied with his British sense of humour, “I love horses too.” That was his way of putting the distance between loving an animal and deifying it.

Rama Rajya is again in the news with the BJP claiming that this is the one ideal of good governance that all Indians have always cherished. So it will be Rama Rajya, Rama Setu and Rama Mandir for the BJP? It shows how out of touch with India the party has become.

The Dalits cannot have much love for Rama Rajya after what happened to Sambuka in the Ramayana. Even the OBCs may object to the upper caste bias of the epic and modern women may not want a husband who treats them so badly as the hero of Ramayana treated his wife.

Also has the BJP learned nothing from the Rama Setu debate with DMK chief M Karunanidhi? The Ramayana is a different text in North India from what it is in the South. The anti-Brahman movement in the South was virulently against the North Indian version of Hinduism. The BJP has a long way to go before it realises that Hindu society lives on division and sub-division. It has survived for centuries without a single political authority precisely because of its ability to prevent any single group to get so large as to dominate. Hinduism is not a unifying creed.

Now after sixty years of sovereignty, we are once again seeing the same fragmenting tendencies rule the party structure. Like some ancient dynasty, the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty ruled over all of India for 42 years till 1989 with only an occasional usurper. Since 1989, the dynasty has never been in full power. It has to adjust to the demands of many regional subahdars and local nawabs.

Luckily for India, democracy thrives without single party dominance. Indeed, one way to admire what India has achieved is its ability to stay united without a strong central authority. Any exclusive powerful authority would have to exclude many or at least treat the core elite better than the periphery. That was what Congress did for its first 42 years. It looked after the upper crust and fed crumbs to the Dalits and the OBCs. When they revolted, the Congress edifice fell apart.

Now each group has its own party and wants a piece of the cake. The old vertical hierarchical caste society is becoming horizontal, though it is still as divided as it was before. There are occasional small unifying movements as with the Yadavs and Paswan in Bihar/UP. But they are local, not national. Nor does the BSP, despite the charisma of its leader, unite all Dalits

The Third Front is an acceptance of this cellular character of Indian society. Class is not reliable as a unifying factor as the Left should know by now. So a double negative factor —anti-BJPism plus anti-Congressism—is the unifying platform. Yet this has to compete against each separate negative. Anti-BJPism is called secularism and can combine many fragments as it did under the UPA. Anti-Congressism is not as strong as it used to be in the Seventies. So the NDA is fragile.

The Congress has sensed this asymmetry. So it is going it alone and contesting as many seats as it can. It is trying to become truly national again. So, rather than accept three or four seats from Lalu Prasad whose star is sinking in any case, it will contest almost 30 seats out of 40 in Bihar and similarly in UP as well. Even randomly it may do better than what its ‘allies’ will grant.

So all the bets are off in India’s favourite sport. The Congress is casting aside old allies like the RJD and Ram Vilas Paswan who have been marginalised in Bihar by Nitish Kumar. It will abandon DMK at the first chance since AIADMK chief Jayalalithaa will do better. The NCP is on probation because it may lose to the Shiv Sena in Maharashtra with whom it has been flirting lately.

The UPA is dead; a new UPA will arise from its ashes. This is the Rahul Gandhi gamble.

Prem, Panchyat aur Aatankwad

Idhar khabar aaye hay ki love bada hi marak ho gay hay, janlayva ho gaya hay. khojbin karnay walo nay paya hay ki aatankwad bhi utnay logo ki jaan nahi lay raha jitna love lay rahay hay. Ab aatankwad kay sakta hay ki mujhay to baymatlab hi badnaaam kiya ja raha hay varna aap bata do kaun kam hay. Pichlay dino Anna nay hi kaha tha ki aatankwad utna khatarnaak nahi hay jitna ki bhrastachar hay. Koshish karo to aur bhi chiz nikal aayegi jo aatankwad say jada khatarnak aur jada marak lagaygi, jaysay bhuk aur garibi.
khayar, love ko log chahay kitna hi masum manay vo hamesha hi khatarnak raha hay. Uttar Bharat k gaon may kinay hi nojawan ladkay ladkiyon nay love kiya aur izzat ki bhet chad gay. Panchyat choro, dakuon aur badmasho kay khilaf parmaan nahi sunatay, fatwa jari nahi kartay, dusaray mamlo may maut ki saja sunanay ka hak sirf Adalat ko hay, par mamla agar love ka ho to ye panchyat bhi maut ki saja suna dayti hay. Aur pura gaon unki maut ka tamasha dhakta hay.
Idhar sehar may to ishq ekdam hi kamina ho gaya hay. Love kay naam par goliya chalayi ja rahi hay. Chaku maray ja rehay hay. Tezaab phayka ja raha hay. Jispar martay hay uski ko martay hay.
Sachmuch ye to aag ka dariya hay. easay may aatankwad ko lagay haat mukadama kar dayna chahiye ki duniya may love par hi sab say jada film bani hay, batao aatnkwaad par kini bani. Love par hi sabsay jada ganay likhya aur gaye jatay hay, aatnkwaad par batao kitnay ganay likhay gay..........

And here’s wishing you all a Happy Women’s day!

And here’s wishing you all a Happy Women’s day!

History of International Women's day

International Women's day was born at a time of great social turbulence and crisis. . In the years before 1910, from the turn of the 20th century, women in industrially developing countries were entering paid work in some numbers. Their jobs were sex segregated, mainly in textiles, manufacturing and domestic services where conditions were wretched and wages were low.. Trade unions were developing and industrial disputes broke out, including among sections of non-unionised women workers. In Europe, the flames of revolution were being kindled.

Major demands of early Women's movement were increase in wages,better working conditions and the right to vote in National and provincial elections.

Since its Women’s day, and the cell phone has been flooding with messages from people wishing their love one, I thought I’ll take a moment and think about this day and if it means anything to me.

My passion for womens’ issues is no secret, and being influenced by a lot of personal stories of men and women around me right now, this is what I have to say today.

DON’T. Apologize for who you are, who you want to be, what you want. Its your right. It is your life. Claim it.

DON’T. Let marriage be the high point in your life. There’s more to life than that one event. Really.

DON’T. Think of the uterus or what it can /cannot do as a measure of your success/failure as a person. It is an important part of life yes, but so is everything else. Please don’t let motherhood or the lack of it define your worth as a person or a woman.

DON”T. Compromise on your values and principles in the face of adversity. Values are worth having only if have the strength to stand up for them! You are not worth the values otherwise!

DON’T. Work professionally half-heartedly. Being a woman is no excuse for bad performance and if you take it up, you better do it well!

DON’T. Ever tolerate a bad relationship. Even if its marriage, its not worth it. Do yourself ( and your children, if applicable, a favour) and get out. NOW. There is no excuse to stay in a bad relationship, EVER.

DON’T. Put yourself last. Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. Eat well. Live well.

Too many women I know, do everything that they need to,to meet today’s demands, juggling careers and homes, money and motherhood. And yet, when it comes to parameters for judging their own success, they sell themselves short. So many women are still spending far too much time, trying to mould themselves according to others’ expectations and being unhappy in the bargain.

And what about one’s expectations from oneself? Why still the unending need to seek approval outside? Why be so harsh on yourself? Why try so hard if its breaking you? What for??

The only one who has a right to judge you, has to be you. Should be you! Think. Think beyond the usual. Think about what you really want, what makes you happy. And go ahead and get it.

We have all spent far too much of our life being the people we are told we should be, doing things like it were a universal rule. To study, and there again, choosing to study something over the other, getting a job, getting married, having babies. If you want it all, great. But even if you don’t, its equally great.

Celebrate the person you are, fall in love with yourself. Make your own path, choose your own way.

And most of all, hope you find peace. Hope you stay happy. Always.

It is time for the sons and daughter especially the daughters to get up and put their foot down. They should be the one to stop their parents to pander to the egos of the inlaws by giving them lavish gifts on various occasions. The young generation should come forward and vehemently oppose the practice of such rituals.

The women have come a long way from being the dormant door mats. We have our own identity. Then why not do something to do away with such rituals and save our parents from lifelong tensions of meeting the demands in the name of customs and rituals.
Wake up girls; don’t let the parents feel that the birth of a girl is a lifelong burden on them.

“Chup hain to yeh na samjho hum sada ko haare hain ! Raakh ke neeche jal rahe abhi bhi angaarey hain!”

HAPPY VALENTINE DAY FRIENDS.... JUST GO THROUGH MY BLOG. FRIENDS, CAN BE GOOD SPOUSE?

And you thought your friend knows every beat of your heart! Well, let's say almost.

After Dil Toh Pagal Hai all of us debated about can your friend be your love interest?

And then Kuchh Kuchh hota hai came and revised it all over again with none other

King Khan declaring, my best friend will be my wife

… and the question remains. Talking to a couple of friends the word 'awkward'

popped up again and again.

"You know it would be so awkward looking at him or her that way".

"Are you kidding me, I have never looked at him that way."

"We know each other just too well, we can't get married"

"My mom loves her, ummmm… I am thinking"

And the killer one - "I don't think we can make love."

Well, well all you people out there whatever happened to the promises of being the

best friend to your spouse.

Despite hearing many stories of successful marriages of two 'best friends' this still

remains an elusive question. Valentine's Day is around and now is your decision

making time. We try to reveal few pros and cons:

Why is it a good idea?

Thought it out - If you have considered the thought of proposing your best friend,

you have already seen him or her in that mould. Thought of getting up with them

every morning and going to sleep looking at the same face. Point is you have already

internalized the idea so go for it.

Known devil - Okay let me be honest, I am borrowing this thought from a friend. A

known devil is better than the unknown. All of us who still have not committed

because of the fear of the unknown - what would they be like in bed? Will I like

kissing him? Am I attracted to him? Will she turn into a nag immediately after we say

our vows? Etc etc. These questions are valid even if you get married to a stranger, you

never know how they kiss, till you kiss them. Does that mean you would go on a

kissing spree? You know her sensitivities, his tantrums, religious values, spending

habits, his mom's attitude, his friends, her colleagues - you won't know any of this if

you marry a stranger. So, go ahead take the plunge!

I know you and you know me - He or she knows how many men you have seen and

she knows the list of your love interests, these and many more, which come naturally

to friends, including shopping with each other. So, unless you are really adventurous

kinds who gets a kick only being around strangers, it be nice to have a person

around who KNOWs you so well. And apart from all the angelic stuff, saves you the

trouble of explaining a stranger-to-be-husband/wife about your past relationships.

Don't want to be with my mirror - Okay so he or she knows you a bit too well. You

want to be with a person who knows everything about you. I would rather be with

someone who you can explore and love fresh as a lover and not a

stranger-turned-lover. Great, keep looking for that elusive stranger.

Sex? - Having sex with a person who knows you is always make you comfort.Taking

off from the weirdest one, you can't imagine being in bed with a stranger.

Transition from a buddy to a seducer/seductress, may not be a very easy thing

to see. What if you burst out laughing while in the act? I understand. This is

matter

of deep thought. Do keep thinking!

Serial marriage - You are a social butterfly and you have many friends who fall in this

category, will you get married to all of them? Not every 'good friend' can be turned

into a spouse. Nice people are just nice, whether as a friend or a spouse, so why risk

losing a friend.

Well, well, well… that's enough of strategy. In the matter of marriage I would still

trust the judgment of heart over mind. If your heart can imagine a life with him or

her

and both your bank balances put together will create a good life - I would say go for it.

Your heart will guide you through from their drawing room to kitchen to bed.